first light of los angeles sun peeking into the window invading my eye line turns everything gold, with so much green around things turn mustard, like the palm trees outside my window.  when I think about all the reasons i haven't spoken in so long, mostly they are my own, its also because of everything out there that i perceive is better, said better, more profoundly, I've stopped speaking in my own way because what could i know or feel.  green and yellow leaves are outside the window.  I wait for my tea and something else to happen today, hoping the traffic won't cloud me over into some sort of work zombie. all the familiar patterns are daunting.  i said i wouldnt waste any more time.