7 Jan 67

Dear Lydia

It is now 9:30 and I shall have to get up for the mid watch at 11:30 and i really should go to sleep, but I cannot. You crazy little girl I love you very much and cannot think of all the ways to tell you and how good you make me feel just by writing and saying hello. After 2 1/2 years that seem like a breath and 3 months that seem like an eternity, I do not sleep a night without you. Given the whole world or as much of it as I have seen, and all the people in it, and I have met many different kinds, there is no one to whom I would give my one and only life but you, and no where but by you that I would spend it. The rest, the real part cannot be said but must be lived as we have lived it - with gentleness, patience, the taking care of one another with tears and with so much fun and pleasure. I can hardly wait to show you.

Love and love again
Michael

Date blurred


Dear sweet wife,

It is late at night and I cannot sleep for thoughts of you. This need of you is a wonderful thing but it destroys me in repose, only by furious activity can I lose myself for a minute. At times like today, when time is heavy on my hands, you are large in my mind. I miss you so much. The big things and the small. Making love and watching you sleep - you are so pretty in the mornings just before you awaken. The cooking and washing of dishes with me biting your ear. The endless and foolish talk of people in love. I look upon it all now with such a curious nostalgia - as if I had died. I confess that I was glad to be numb for a while - not to feel - not to ache. Fatigue is a blessing though I did not recognize it. Love me else I die surely. Doubt me not for if you do, the small part of me which makes of pointless activity a life, will surely disappear.

In Love and Agony
Michael

May 8, 1961

Dear Charles

I am trying to find a place for you for Sunday - Wedesday. I spoke to my people. They said if it could not be worked out, then they could not leave you here without a chaperone or someone at a drag house it would be ok. If it doesnt work out - and it might not - that you would leave Sunday.

I wonder each time how long can I go on dissappointing you - saying goodbye - saying I'm sorry. You have been patient and I can do no better than this. I have been brooding over this most of the day. I want you to be happy but I can not cause it.

Meanwhile, I have my scouts out. Anyway, if worst comes to worst - be prepared and I know that I will cry too.

I miss you now very sharply and wish I could have you here -

Love & Hope
Michael.