May 17, 1961
Anapolis, MD
Dear Charles,
Am I the same person I was? I hate everything and everybody. I am a louse. I hate me. I stink. the harder I try the worse I get. I am disgusted with me. I am so stupid, thick, dull, dopey. I lose patience. I am tired of making an effort. I am mad at being tired. I need a rest and I despise me for it. I want to be better than I am - I am so confused I dont know if I think something or just think I think I think it. I want to escape to die, to rest. Youre to throw rocks at me for being selfish, Michael.
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