i forgot that i was tired.  i forgot that i forgot.  i fussed over a bag and had someone make it for me, and i fell in love with the idea of the woman making the bag and i let her make it and i finally picked the bag up, carried it off, went to R's house and modeled it,  put it across my shoulder and realized that its impractical in that the zipper is on the wrong side. sort of fundamentally impractical.  i wondered what i've been doing these past few visits with this woman besides gushing over a neighborly connection, which was really just nervous conversation for the point of being neighborly but mostly an exchange of goods and smiles.  noticing the zipper was wrong felt sort of monumental, like wondering how i could have missed the whole point of the thing, the bag. the bag.  i guess that wasn't the fundamental thing. i wanted to buy something from someone I really liked.  the bag is mostly right, but it is also a good thing because it will remind me of a sunny exchange i guess. oh well.  r said to me last night, in my despair over the mistake, its ok, you will soon remember that its an object and you can objectify it.  it felt like an appropriate revelation to have.